Archive for June, 2008

Leprechauns & Realtors

To give you an idea of the type of people I deal with on a daily basis, I give you this:

My dad has been living in a townhouse that is far too small for him, in terms of storage, and I finally convinced him to become active in finding a home for himself. Retirement will either be next year or the year after for him & I believe he needs to be settled by then.

The phone rang yesterday & it was my dad at work, informing me he found a home with a 2 car garage and about 4.7 acres of land (which are the two characteristics of his new home that are necessary). I replied with a “Great! Call the realtor & let’s make an appointment to see it”. He agreed.

When we got to the office, the realtor informed us that she would be glad to drive in order to save on gas. I said “Fabulous”; I thought “Suck up”.  We began to make small talk & eventually got on the topic of guns; typical for small town Alabama conversation, so I’m not too surprised. The skinny-legged, cigarette smoking voice proceeded to inform us that, “I have one!”; a gun, that is, and as she is driving 10 miles over the speed limit down Route 84, she pulls out her Kel-Tec .32 ACP pistol and waves it proudly in front of my father. First of all–I’m particularly picky about my drivers and, throughout the ride, she was consistently reading off a piece of paper, fiddling with things the door, & speeding so I was already paranoid. Second, SHE PULLED OUT A GUN WHILE DRIVING.

My father & I are extremely safety-conscious about the use of guns and how they are to be handled since we go shooting every weekend & therefore…I pretty much had a heart-attack when I saw that. I guess the moral of the story is that some people around here are crazy & I’m entertained constantly.

Oh!–The house sucked.

& the mania continues.

A generic update…nothing special:

This is my experience ordering my first drink as a twenty-one year old:

My father came home from work during his lunch break to take me out for food. We both decided on a placed called “La Bamba” to get some tasty Mexican dishes. I decided to go for a Chimichanga and the typical Strawberry Daiquiri; simple but tasty, and I was sure I would enjoy it. No risks.

But here’s the good part– the waiter was a cock-eyed (seriously cock-eyed) Mexican who barely spoke English and lived in Alabama. Talk about strange. What’s more strange is that he didn’t card me even though the people I met at church this morning thought I was in high school. I figure the average age I appear is that of a seventeen year old girl. How disappointing.

Friday night, my dad & I dressed all “fancy-like” & attended the Army Birthday Ball. Colonel Jones, who I met the week before and absolutely adore, hosted the night with jokes & sentimental thoughts. While I’m not too fond of military talk & things relating to it, I met some really great people that work for my dad (one woman even informed me of her best friend who is looking to hire a receptionist for the summer at her hair salon…bwerry!).

Saturday, as “required” by Alabama “law” (aka–typical of the locals), I went to the gun range & shot a few dozen rounds, drank a beer with pops at home afterward, then spent two hours disassembling the gun to clean it & then reassemble. It’s actually something I missed doing—the perks of living with dad. (Below-my handiwork) While I’m going crazy here without a job yet & struggling with getting accustomed to the culture here , I’m absolutely loving the time with my dad & can’t wait for some future trips camping out, canoing, and shooting.

Life is good.

two-one

Turning 21 today (June 12) seemed more exciting when I thought I would be in Philadelphia with my closest friends.

Now I live across the street from a farm with grazing cows within my view. I think I’ll spend tomorrow night in a local bar alone getting stories from truckers, soldiers, & hunters in hopes of creating some short narratives.

There’s something humbling about this experience.

As an update:

My father was in Africa for a week & a half and I filled most of the daylight hours alone riding my bike, reading in the backyard, and watching awful marathons of the most un-inspiring, dumbed-down reality shows ever created. Two days before his return, my car battery died & a man (around my age) next door willingly assisted me to jump my car when he was clearly busy. While his courteous efforts were absolutely wonderful, it turns out I needed a completely new battery. In return, I made him home-made chocolate chip cookies & a thank you card for his efforts, hoping that I see him throughout the summer. (What? I need some people my age to keep me sane this summer.)

Needless to say, the morning of the ninth, I woke up with child-like excitment, knowing I’d be seeing my father in just a few hours. I needed the company desperately & was hoping he took enough pictures to keep me satisfied for the afternoon. He did.

Things are well. Cheers.

From my drive down. Beautiful skies.

Silence Toward the Blue Skies

Ronnie Van Zant wasn’t lying when he said the skies are blue down here in Alabama. It has yet to rain and it’s been over ninety degrees every day.

The eighteen hour solo drive to Alabama that started on Friday May 23, 2008 had me nervous. Many were telling me it was going to be exhausting, but more than anything I was afraid to fall asleep at the wheel due to having no one to talk to.

I left Pennsylvania with a stack of mix CD’s donated by a close friend of mine to keep me occupied for about nine hours of the trip and headed toward Maryland, West Virginia, and then Virginia. Once I reached Middletown, Virginia, I made a pit-stop at an Exxon gas station only to have some interesting conversation with a 275lb+, kind hearted, southern twang speaking male cashier.

Cashier: “Where’s you headed to with a full car laik that?” after taking notice to the packed car with the bike on the back, being pretty clear that I was headed somewhere for an extended period of time.

Me: “I’m moving to Alabama.”

Cashier: “Alabama?! A gal laik you juss maight git lost down there.”

And he was right. All that ran through my mind was, “I’m lost already just thinking about this summer. What the hell am I doing?” Other than building a close relationship with my father for the summer, I couldn’t quite understand my connection with southern Alabama for two months. What exactly could I possibly learn from this place? The kind cashier bid me farewell and I continued on my way through North Carolina and then to South Carolina, allowing myself to soak in the beautiful scenery and fresh air.

I turned on local radio stations (more specifically country stations) to keep myself amused, and the further south I drove, the more interesting the conversations got between the hosts. One station decided to have a contest, as many do, but this one was a bit unconventional. It involved basic math, which seemed easy enough, but this is what I heard…

“If ya’ll have a case’a Miller Lite & ya drank a six pack, how many beers to ya’ll have left.”

As any smart, beer drinking southerner would know, the answer is 18, which the call-in listener correctly answered after a four second pause. Needless to say, I got quite a laugh out of this contest as the beer problems got more “complicated” (“A case, then you drink a six pack, drink two more after the NASCAR race, and then another beer, what do you have left?”). How ridiculous.

By the time I entered Alabama on Saturday, May 24, I was sick of seeing boiled peanuts, pick-up trucks, and motorcycles, but the silence I experienced was indescribable. Not feeling obligated to keep conversation with a passenger was a new type of therapy, and allowing myself to have some time to think helped me unwind from and digest the high-energy year I just experienced in Philadelphia.

I had the chance to spend about five days with my dad before he left for Morocco, Africa for two weeks. Now, my time is spent reading Kurt Vonnegut’s “Welcome to the Monkey House”, a compilation of his short stories and ee cummings’ “i: six nonlectures”. I also force myself into the excruciating heat to jog (only to run into a three foot long snake and crickets jumping everywhere. I will take a video of this one of these days for your enjoyment) and ride my bike. The stray cat that my father has taken in as his own (which means leaving food out for him since my dad is unable to have animals in the rented townhouse) comes to visit everyday, along with the gecko that hangs out on the trash can on the front stoop.

My friends back home…I think of you constantly and wish you were here to keep me company as I have spent all of my time alone in this house, but hope your summer is treating you well. I’ll update soon with photos.